tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40163774917060120682024-03-13T03:15:11.195-04:00A Phoenix is BornChantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-41904038987541484632020-11-01T18:20:00.000-05:002020-11-01T18:20:01.108-05:00Falling for old tricks again.<p>Writing in here seems foreign, but I found myself thinking of this catalog as my old enemy has come back to visit. It's actually been around 18 months since the problem returned. It's been hard to accept; taking my mind back to dark, familiar places. </p><p>Sometime in early 2019, my skin had started flaring. It's hard to pinpoint the exact time, as looking back it started here and there in small areas of my body. My wrists for example were constantly irritated almost all of 2019. Then towards the end of July, I noticed a spreading throughout my body. It went away and then came back in August. After that, it was not calming down. My skin and mentality was absolutely wrecked. </p><p>After months of battling the flares to no avail, I came to a breaking point. I was in pain and afraid I was exposing my skin to the possibility of infections. The week of Thanksgiving, I was on vacation with my family in Florida, visiting the extended family. My skin was even worse by the time our plane landed. I was so itchy and broken, I couldn't bring myself to leave my bed, except to eat and shower. I couldn't bear staying the rest of the vacation in that state. I had my parents take me to the hospital. The practitioner prescribed Prednisone and a relatively low-dose corticosteroid cream to apply to my face and body, and a round of antibiotics. The steroids worked like a dream, of course. </p><p>For those familiar with Topical Steroid Addiction, you know it was merely a band-aid. I sparingly, but consistently, used the topical corticosteroids throughout this year. I noticed once I would stop for a few days, my skin would start to get itchy, pink, and irritated. The familiar song and dance. I continued on, in denial, hoping that I would find the right skin routine to prevent what I have known in the back of my mind all along. As long as I used the steroid cream, I would be constantly reliant on it. I would need it more and more, and eventually it would cease to work. </p><p>So here I am three weeks since I stopped the steroid cream. At first, it seemed like everything would be ok. Things were not great, but my skin, while irritated and flaring, seemed to have come to a plateau. It seemed like it was slowly healing. However, it all went downhill at an excruciating speed. I feel that I'm still recovering from the whiplash of how quickly my skin has taken a turn for the worst. The night before, I had woken up a few times in the night to night sweats. When I got up yesterday morning, I was drenched in sweat. My face was dripping. It was very odd. I hoped in the shower, and noticed afterwards that my skin seemed to be extra red. As the day progressed my skin has started to crack and weep. I don't know what has happened, what lead to this sudden onset. </p><p>I'm trying to be gentle with myself, and hope for the best. This is just a setback. I'm putting my faith in God that this will pass, just as it has in the past. Healing will come.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-54103453044871421422015-09-12T02:09:00.000-04:002015-09-12T15:56:08.315-04:00A Diet for The Desperate<i>Well hi, hello. How are you? Long time, no talk...</i><br />
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I struggled with whether or not I should come on here to post because I don't want to discourage anyone on their TSW journey... in the end, I decided I want to keep things real so here I am.<br />
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This summer has been quite the challenge for me because my skin has taken a turn for the worse. It started in May, I noticed my skin was feeling a bit itchy but I didn't think much of it. Ever so slowly my skin has become increasingly itchier, sensitive and irritated. It has really hit me this month that my skin is flaring. My cheeks are red and flaky and even a little oozy. My legs are where it's really bad, especially behind the knees. It sucks to realize this, especially after so long... October 1st marks 3 years steroid free. I thought I would never be back in this situation again, feeling in despair about my skin. Worry not though, I will not let this defeat me. It is merely just a bump along the road. <br />
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I'm taking this time to really analyze what is going with my health. To be fair, even during my "95% normal stage" there were still things going on which I swept under the rug to be dealt with some other day... such as chronic fatigue, low energy levels, foggy mentality, long-term memory loss, chronic sinus issues. Clearly something is in disharmony within my body, my environment and my mind. There are so many things which can be the cause, it's overwhelming. However, that is what makes this a journey. I believe it is a chain of events and multiple factors which have led to this flare. Most importantly, I think it is time I figure out the root to my health problems, as they are most likely related.<br />
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The Culprits:</h3>
<ul>
<li><b>Stress</b>. I started a new job this year, which has been really stressful. My previous job was no where near as stressful. I find myself having trouble sleeping and worrying about having time to get things done. We all know stress plays a huge role on hormones and can make them go all wacky.</li>
<li><b>Dog hair</b>. I have a beautiful dog who I adore and will always love despite the fact that maybe I am allergic to her. I've had her for about 13 years so she's not new to the picture. Recently, a friend of pointed out she may be the cause to my sinus issues. Sinus issues I can deal with for her sake. However, my little brother recently left for college so for the past month she has been sleeping in my room. My skin has gotten worse in this time. Coincidence? Possibly, but definitely worth taking note of.</li>
<li><b>Environment</b>. This goes hand in hand with the dog hair, but I figured I'd mention anyways. I've been pretty lazy lately..... I mean really lazy and I haven't properly cleaned (thorough dusting and vacuuming) my bedroom in a couple months until today. Shame on me. I really let things get bad... but I have given my room a good scrub down (still in progress, but much better already). I'm sure all the dust and dog hair was not helping me one bit.</li>
<li><b>DIET</b>. OK, so this is a big one for me. I have been following a plant-based diet for almost two years and I believed it is why my skin was doing so great and why I seemed to recover much faster than most of the TSW community. Obviously now I have to rethink this conclusion, however I am not knocking the theory as I was nearly flare free for the majority of this time. I now think I have allergies which I will be testing out by eliminating certain foods. It just so happens I have heavily increased my fat intake (nuts, seeds, avocados, etc.) in the last month or two and I suspect nuts are not my friend... sadly so, because they are so delicious! So I am doing an overhaul with my diet.... I am cutting out nuts, seeds, chocolate, avocados, oils, and for kicks and giggles wheat as well. This is in addition to my vegan diet. Goal is to do this for a month to see how things get on.... I truly believe diet plays a major role in our health and skin is part of that! </li>
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If any of you are interested I pretty much am following the McDougall diet- The Starch Solution. If you want information here are some links:</div>
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<a href="https://www.drmcdougall.com/health/education/health-science/common-health-problems/allergic-reactions-to-food/">https://www.drmcdougall.com/health/education/health-science/common-health-problems/allergic-reactions-to-food/</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.nealhendrickson.com/mcdougall/021200pudiet.htm">http://www.nealhendrickson.com/mcdougall/021200pudiet.htm</a></div>
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& for those of you wondering what my skin looks like at the moment:</div>
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Just for comparison, this is what my skin looked like only a couple weeks ago:<br />
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<br />Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-2205012893584826322014-08-25T23:08:00.002-04:002014-08-25T23:13:36.309-04:00Hello AgainI have so many thoughts in my head. I should be sleeping, but I just wanted to come on here and say, I'm doing well. My skin is near normality, perhaps about 90-95%, and has been for quite sometime. I've been working a 9-5 job since February and have not missed one day for any health/skin related upsets because my skin just doesn't seem to get very upset these days. I hope all are doing well on their path to healing! I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. Honestly, eight months since my last post on here. How times escapes us. <br />
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PS- I will <i>try</i> my best to not let another 8 months past by before providing a descriptive, in-depth update with photos :)Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-31660178548889673352014-01-18T21:16:00.000-05:002014-01-19T02:04:29.787-05:00Moisturizer Withdrawal???The hot topic of discussion throughout the TSW community for the last few months seems to be moisturizer withdrawal. Will it make topical steroid withdrawal more bearable? Does it speed up healing? And most importantly, is it essential for healing?<br />
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Unfortunately, I don't have any of the answers to these questions. I'm not a scientist, doctor, or have any qualifications of the sorts, nor am I going to pretend I know what's the best course of action for anyone going through TSW. I'm simply here to chime in on the matter and my semi-experience with it.<br />
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First and foremost, I have not done 100% moisturizer withdrawal. I still moisturize occasionally. My previous post I wrote about my skin routine where I mentioned I was moisturizing with organic palm oil once a week, post-shower. I have had great results just minimizing moisture intake. I also said I would be doing MW once I finished what I had left of it. Well, I lied (unintentionally, of course). I finished my palm oil last week, and then started using grape seed oil. It's much lighter than palm oil and non-irritating (for me). I used it for a few months during my first withdrawal as a makeup remover and really liked it. So yes, I'm still moisturizing and plan on doing so until I feel it is appropriate for my skin to do otherwise. Thinking, maybe summer?<br />
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The reasoning behind my decision, was simply because I felt my skin needed extra moisture and for anti-aging purposes. I actually have increased using oils on my hands, legs, and outer elbows to a couple times a week. It's not news that dry skin leads to pre-mature aging. As a 25 year old woman, I'm all about prevention. My hands already look like that of a woman twice my age due to the abuse and thinning of steroids. Also, I wash my hands a lot. Furthermore, I shave my legs which strips oils away, causing my legs to feel much drier than the rest of my body. I think it only makes sense to replenish some of the moisture lost. As for the rest of me, I keep moisturizing to a minimum, still only about once a week.<br />
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My advice (again, just as a disclaimer: I am not a professional!) for anyone going through TSW and is on the fence about MW is to give it a go, or like me, greatly reduce usage. More importantly though, really look at what you are using on your body. A good question to consider is.. Would this be toxic to ingest? If yes, switch to something all natural. Preferably something edible, like oils. I used to apply Aveeno regularly for years, once I stopped I noticed a huge improvement in my skin. It also gives me great peace of mind to know my body is not absorbing all those weird chemicals. I've used olive, palm, grape seed and coconut oil. I don't like olive oil. It really seemed to irritate my skin further after a while. As for coconut oil, I suggest using this when skin is doing well and not flaring. It seems to be one of the more irritating oils when skin is extra sensitive. I think palm oil and grape seed oil are better for those who have hyper sensitivity still. However, please bear in mind, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. What works for one, may greatly irritate another, and vice versa. Also, I would like to add, if you are flaring, especially oozing, consider complete MW as it is harder to tell what is irritating and what is working. It might be better to leave the skin alone, if you can bear it. Furthermore, if the skin is oozing it is best to let the skin dry to minimize infections and promote healing. There are studies showing that moisturizers hinder healing. I suggest looking at <a href="http://topicalsteroidsurvivor.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Dan D's blog</a> for more info pertaining to pertaining to MW specifically, if you haven't already. He's done much more research into it than I have and has well, actually gone through it, unlike me haha. I just really wanted to give my two cents on the matter.<br />
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As for me, my skin is still doing well and continues to heal. I'm generally happy with the way things are moving. It's a slow process, but it is happening. Some days I even think I'm reaching the end of the line, but then I remind myself not to get too carried away with these thoughts since I know very well from experience this monster can sneak up on you right when you think things are in tip-top shape. I still have plenty of room for improvement (i.e. Energy levels, sleep patterns, itching, skin texture). My skin is barely a minor inconvenience these days. So yea, I'm currently cautiously optimistic.<br />
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If anyone has any questions or wants me to write about something pertaining to my experience thus far, let me know. Just leave a comment, or if you feel more comfortable emailing me, my email is chantalmarie88@gmail.com. I know I don't write here often, but I do keep up with others' blogs occasionally. I really would like to make more of an effort with updating. I'm just so lazy sometimes! Let's see if I can change that... It is a new year, after all.Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-71842042973350137352013-12-11T00:01:00.000-05:002013-12-11T00:06:31.212-05:00My Skin Routine<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My current skin routine is really simple. I hardly do anything. In fact, I don't even shower on most days. [Ew girl, I smell you from here]. I try to keep things as natural as possible and just let my skin do its own thing. The following is what works the best for me. Everyone is different, so it's important to figure out through trial and error what works and what doesn't. <br />
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I take a shower on average about once a week, sometimes twice. This may gross some of you out, but I assure you I am neither stinky nor dirty. I was someone who thought taking a shower everyday was necessary and those who didn't were disgusting. However, my opinions have changed (being a woman, this is not surprising). Now I believe showering too often is unnecessary and may possibly be detrimental,* even to normal skin. Surely, some people may not get away with showering only once a week. It depends on your environment, diet, exercise and genetics. People with pungent B.O., ehh... might not want to do this. I think diet plays a significant role on what your natural stank smells like, but genetics too. Furthermore, I don't do any heavy exercise, thus I am not pouring massive volumes of sweat, ever. Finally, it's winter here, which naturally means drier skin (something most of you can definitely relate too).</div>
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* As a side note, when I was in the worst of my flares, I was showering <b>constantly</b>, literally three or more times a day. If your skin is oozing, a daily shower will likely be helpful to feeling more comfortable and cleansing. However, I do not recommend doing what I did and showering excessively. I believe this may hamper healing somewhat and hinder the skin from doing what it needs to do. </div>
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So what do I use? </div>
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<ul>
<li>Dr. Bronner's Peppermint soap</li>
<li>Witch Hazel</li>
<li>Organic Palm Oil</li>
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I shower using Dr. Bronner's Peppermint soap on my body and nothing on my face. When I get out of the shower I use a small bit of my Spectrum palm oil on my body and around my eyes (I'm paranoid of getting wrinkles). I don't slather it everywhere like I used to and I wait for the oil to sink in before dressing. I want to emphasize I am using <i>very little moisturizer</i>. My tub of palm oil is almost gone (had it since summer) and once it is I intend to do complete moisturizer withdrawal. As for the witch hazel, I use it after scratching any area of my skin to help keep it clean and minimize any risk of infections. The witch hazel I use has alcohol in it, but I have not noticed any negative effects and feel it has actually benefitted my skin. I've been using it since August. I may switch to one without alcohol in the future, but for now I like it.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD14U64yKKv0vc3IoSYND8PQVTwgwD38urk694Dxe2-rGXNrGQAqfRAxoSROwsOMWCLsSAFT21B-agVeZyGcoL_cx331w2Of8hvGFBMr-W2kSEKvKYjIuxVoGAV4nbxFbQWhtiz9O-a5SM/s1600/IMG_2181.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD14U64yKKv0vc3IoSYND8PQVTwgwD38urk694Dxe2-rGXNrGQAqfRAxoSROwsOMWCLsSAFT21B-agVeZyGcoL_cx331w2Of8hvGFBMr-W2kSEKvKYjIuxVoGAV4nbxFbQWhtiz9O-a5SM/s320/IMG_2181.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What's left of my palm oil</td></tr>
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Pertaining to moisturizer withdrawal, I didn't want to do full-forced MW right away, because I thought it would be much too uncomfortable, especially when going places. I did, however, completely cut out Aveeno Skin Relief lotion in October, which I had been using religiously (several times a day) from June 2011-September 2013. Prior to my Aveeno days, I was addicted to Vaseline Intensive Rescue for a number years. I've always relied on moisturizers to make my skin feel comfortable, even when my skin was "normal." The mere thought of taking a shower and not applying lotion immediately was cringe-worthy. I'm also an avid hand-washer, which meant constant re-application of lotion on my hands. Now I can watch my hands several times a day with no need to use lotion or any kind of moisturizer. I will do a more-detailed post about MW once my palm oil is finished, but as for now I have nothing but positive things to say about it! :)</div>
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Au revoir!</div>
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Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-25594565528178412652013-12-05T23:55:00.000-05:002014-01-03T02:55:41.965-05:00S-T-A-G-N-A-N-TIt's been quite a while since my last post. Things are still pretty much the same as before, skin-wise. My skin doesn't bother me much, although it is still itchy everyday, mostly at night. During the day it's fine. My skin is dry, especially on my neck, hands, and legs. My legs are my worst areas though. I can't seem to stop picking at them. -.- For the most part though, I look "normal." <br />
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I've been wanting to post for a while, but I'm still feeling very tired and it's made me rather lazy. I really can't wait for the exhaustion to pass so I can get on with my life, normally. It's like I'm living in a constant fog. As for other symptoms, I still get night sweats, however nothing like it was a couple months ago. It's just mildly uncomfortable. Temperature regulation has definitely improved, but not perfect. Nerve pain has not occurred since October. My lymph nodes have reduced in size since summer, but are still noticeably swollen. Most importantly, my hair is growing back! I have a lot of baby hairs now. Up until about two weeks ago I was still losing quite a bit of hair. It's slowed down a lot since then. Thank God! </div>
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Also worth mentioning, I have changed my diet as of last month. I am consuming a plant-based diet now. Mostly vegan, with the exception of minuscule amounts of honey. I know it's pretty much determined by ITSAN that diet does not play a role in TSW, however I feel a little differently. I'll do a sole post regarding my stance on diet. I will also be doing a post on my "skin routine." </div>
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Adios~</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">November 25</td></tr>
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Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-48724212030153012152013-11-01T23:14:00.001-04:002013-11-01T23:19:25.476-04:00Lighting & Skin of the Day.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Today marks 13 months into TSW! I took many photos today because I was messing around with lighting. I took pictures outside, in my room, and in my bathroom. It's hard to decide which depicts my skin most accurately. I figured I'd post some of them though. I may have gotten a bit carried away... heh.</div>
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I'm continuing to feel relatively well. My energy levels are slowly rising. I'm in generally good spirits. I've been moving around more, dancing (for fun, not anything professional, hah), etc. The itching has decreased quite a bit this past week, but I'm still getting bouts here and there, especially at night. Why must bedtime always be filled with an itch fest? My sleep schedule is still all over the place, but I spend more time sleeping at night now and less time sleeping during the day. I am dreaming more as well. All good signs. I still have a long way to go, but I'm grateful for these days. <br />
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My skin is still pink and varies in intensity throughout the day. The photos I took were after dancing around my house, so I'm not sure if that created a difference or not. You'll see I have a patch of redness around my left temple. I didn't notice it until I looked at the photos. Some pictures look better than others. I think my bathroom pics make my skin look worse than it feels. It's fluorescent lighting. The photos from my room are a mix of sunlight and fluorescent.<br />
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<b>SOTD:</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVL0n3Sk5m4EPzLH1vCtx_8Ci4o-iJaR2QhRg6QH2h2x35oKwTCaDmnARwYN3s2cxxDds13vpKZLqQtTajgF1oYIR10XhQuzbTzakhewYflXCVmQyxVuHahyrfbT04-3gpU5udO13mA0cG/s1600/IMG_1898.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVL0n3Sk5m4EPzLH1vCtx_8Ci4o-iJaR2QhRg6QH2h2x35oKwTCaDmnARwYN3s2cxxDds13vpKZLqQtTajgF1oYIR10XhQuzbTzakhewYflXCVmQyxVuHahyrfbT04-3gpU5udO13mA0cG/s400/IMG_1898.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Taking in some much needed sunlight</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGPIDXwIsWZElUNfbkaZklsy-o77gZuAPTBNbgiITfi3Rhm3E7KE8w4eYnRHwTEiAsl8h3fIIZrcu_mtxjYGCB9AVAlnergumW7UhX2ZWJeqZPS3hsq01snHyqTHa_uZamNmHFBDAZYnIB/s1600/IMG_1895.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGPIDXwIsWZElUNfbkaZklsy-o77gZuAPTBNbgiITfi3Rhm3E7KE8w4eYnRHwTEiAsl8h3fIIZrcu_mtxjYGCB9AVAlnergumW7UhX2ZWJeqZPS3hsq01snHyqTHa_uZamNmHFBDAZYnIB/s400/IMG_1895.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Squinting.... Getting sun is so good for the skin in this stage. Get yoself out there!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Here you can really see the dryness of my neck. I'm currently weaning myself of moisturizers. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I had a crack on my wrist last week which is healing away!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Wrinkly, old hands. Yum.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Smile and appreciate the days you feel like dancing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Unintentional earthing.</span></div>
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I'm not sure if everyone experiences this problem, but Blogger gives me such a hard time when it comes to posting pics. It's always glitching on me! So annoying. It makes posting such a hassle and much more time consuming than need be. (-.-) WTF??<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Android Emoji', Symbola, serif; font-size: 26px; line-height: 33px; text-align: center;">☾ </span>Goodnight <span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Android Emoji', Symbola, serif; font-size: 26px; line-height: 33px; text-align: center;">✭</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Android Emoji', Symbola, serif; line-height: 33px; text-align: center;">✭</span><br />
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Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-1977864461273384562013-10-31T02:52:00.003-04:002013-10-31T19:59:04.794-04:00False AlarmMy skin is doing much better since Friday. In fact, my skin started to improve the next day after my previous post. I was really worried I was entering another major flare, but seems it was just a minor one. I've noticed a significant turn around in my skin the past few days and I pray it continues from here. This may be the best my skin has been since June? Not sure. I am feeling much better though and I'm loving it. <br />
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Timing was perfect too since Saturday I had a Court of Honor ceremony to attend for my younger brother. He became an Eagle Scout! I was sad thinking I would be miserable there and even worried I would not be able to attend. However, things worked out pretty well. I felt pretty decent during the event. Also, I must have looked okay, since no one said anything about my skin. In fact, I got compliments on my hair and was told I was "looking good." Success! I did wear a blazer, tights with my dress, and a scarf to cover up as much as possible. Strategic fashion. <br />
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Here I am Saturday with my brother:<br />
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My grandparents were visiting this past week from Puerto Rico so I've been out and about, keeping busy. They came last Wednesday. I wasn't feeling too good the first couple days, but thankfully that changed. I don't see them very often so I'm glad I was able to feel well enough to enjoy their company.<br />
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Photo from Tuesday, outside in the sun so you can see more accurately skin color and texture:<br />
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I have plenty more photos and quiet a few post topics in mind to work on so stay tuned. I hope you all are healing and feeling better. For those that may not be doing so well, my thoughts go out to you. I know your pain.... Please stay strong and have faith. It <i>will</i> pass!<br />
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Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-45342029813259236812013-10-26T02:33:00.001-04:002013-10-26T02:37:16.026-04:00Could it be? Flare three?<i>Woe is me.</i><br />
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The past couple weeks I've noticed an increased amount of TSW activity. I think I may possibly be heading towards major flare número tres. I'm really hoping I'm wrong and it's just a minor flare. Only time will tell. If it must be a major, I just pray to dear God it's not as bad as flare two. I don't ever want to have to go through such torment again. It took so much out of me. <br />
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<b>Current condition:</b><br />
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<ul>
<li>Rough, bumpy skin texture</li>
<li>Dry, flaking</li>
<li>Increase in redness</li>
<li>Weeping upon scratching*</li>
<li>Minor swelling in legs*</li>
<li>Still intensely itchy always</li>
<li>Still no energy</li>
<li>Still sleeping horribly</li>
<li>Still losing hair</li>
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*signs that make me believe I'm heading towards a big flare <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: center;">(⌣_⌣”).</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: center;">Here are some photos from Monday night. The last one is from today.</span><br />
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<br />Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-68383462227614130832013-10-06T19:26:00.002-04:002013-10-06T20:10:39.924-04:00One Year Later {photos}<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqfXv9CG8mUMIvx0eKenSESkKt1UI5x8EpRUQ1-Hj5UoAkBRupJzuJBtjgYy0MC6DmdtuNweerAA3TQtix23-fQhX0fotqb74qc8nhPnrTN4T1IM0nFMDC3MCuomiArDkG9r0bhyV4tekf/s1600/IMG_0311.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqfXv9CG8mUMIvx0eKenSESkKt1UI5x8EpRUQ1-Hj5UoAkBRupJzuJBtjgYy0MC6DmdtuNweerAA3TQtix23-fQhX0fotqb74qc8nhPnrTN4T1IM0nFMDC3MCuomiArDkG9r0bhyV4tekf/s400/IMG_0311.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">One year off steroids</span></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Well, here we are... One year off steroids (for the second time) as of October 1st. Honestly, I thought things would be entirely different than they are... but hey, what is one to do? Things aren't horrible, but they aren't good either. Every day is still filled with struggles and uncertainty related to my skin. I try hard to keep my head up, but it's difficult watching time race by as I sit on the sidelines. It fills me to the brim with anger and sadness. The cruel injustice imparted on myself and others still gets to me one year later. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I turned 25 about two weeks ago. I never would have imagined my life would be as it at this age... living at home with my parents, unemployed and completely dependent on them for nearly everything. My younger self imagined myself to be independent and established by now. Looks like it will be a while before that is my reality. It's like I've taken an indefinite hiatus on life; except instead of a relaxing vacation, it's a torture chamber within one's own body. Sorry for the negativity. I know this is temporary, but it doesn't mean I don't have the right to be unhappy about it. It's my <strike>party</strike> hell ride and I'll cry (and bitch) if I want to. '(^.^)' </span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;">Anyways, things are rather stagnant skin-wise. My condition fluctuates throughout the day and day-to-day, but there are no drastic changes taking place.</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;">Current condition:</span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Skin is intensely itchy nearly ALL. DAY. LONG.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Sleep is broken and all over the place. I usually sleep in the late afternoons for a few hours and about 1-3 hours at night, usually waking up around 2, 3 or 4AM. It's very difficult to function with this routine.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">I'm constantly exhausted and lethargic. Energy is nearly non-existent except for around 4-9AM.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Erratic moods due to lack of proper sleep, anxiety and stress of TSW.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Hair loss. I still lose a lot of hair on my scalp. Thankfully I have naturally thick hair so it's not obvious, especially to those who don't know me. However, I know it's happening as I see it all around me (literally). My hair feels as if it's lost about 1/3-1/2 of its former volume. </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Hands and feet. My hands are probably the most troublesome area as of late. They are always SO ITCHY. Recently, I have been experiencing <b>joint inflammation</b> on my hands and feet. [Cause you know, skin inflammation just wasn't enough...]. Last week my thumb was swollen at the joint (see picture below). It lasted a little over a week, but has mostly gone down. Now the joints of my middle finger are inflamed, along with various other joints along my fingers and feet. My right ankle also has some weird things going on with what I assume are my joints as well. I've experienced these things to a lesser degree before TSW so I don't know if this is part of the withdrawal process or early signs of arthritis. Either way, I blame the steroids. </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Neck and back of knees. Along with my hands and feet, these are my worse areas. They are often intensely itchy and have deep creases, discoloration and redness.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Elephant skin. Still happening on elbows, hands, knees and ankles. If there's anything about withdrawal it's how sexy one feels throughout it. ;P</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Night sweats and odd temperature regulation. Besides the terrible itch and messed up adrenal glands, another reason I wake up often is from night sweats. I often become overheated during sleep. Sometimes I wake up drenched in sweat and have to change my shirt and air myself off. Luckily this seems to be lessening in severity. During the day, I sometimes find myself becoming overheated for no apparent reason. I think it's a good sign of healing. My sweat glands are trying to finally get back in action. Also, I'll take being a bit sweaty and overheated over convulsing with constant down-to-the-bone chills any day. </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Lymph nodes. The lymph nodes located around my pelvic are still swollen. They may have gone down in size somewhat, but if so not by much. I think they'll be swollen until the itching and scratching stops as they are likely continually fighting off threats of infection.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Nerve pain. My nerve pain has decreased drastically. Thank God! That was a horrifying symptom to say the least. I pray it's not something I have to deal with much in the future, if at all.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Insatiable hunger. Does anyone else have this too? I don't know if it's part of the withdrawal or just me, but I'm ALWAYS hungry. I eat pretty much all day long. Maybe I'm just trying to fill the void of not having a normal life? Whatever it is, I hope it stops soon. I don't want to be a fatty once I'm healed. </span></li>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;">Now without further ado... this month's photos:</span></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">September 15-16</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAKQThG9KwmUh-3oMQouH6yKDtHAkLurZ05KUmQbzO1JQdoPpV86ZlBcpFw88NAfAKsoGs5Hkz3gn3yA7FTbSV-Dq9-PGXflc4v2c_g7RamjukUzfnsjwpn9ID8fL6qBq8Y86cbkYIJW-V/s1600/IMG_0314.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAKQThG9KwmUh-3oMQouH6yKDtHAkLurZ05KUmQbzO1JQdoPpV86ZlBcpFw88NAfAKsoGs5Hkz3gn3yA7FTbSV-Dq9-PGXflc4v2c_g7RamjukUzfnsjwpn9ID8fL6qBq8Y86cbkYIJW-V/s400/IMG_0314.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></div>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaFm0bhCBvKkAUyYUDWnWNQQBahglNiArbXmZDAKNGXr9CV96SNcIA8RggtoRUQCIyn5ea9PYaJ1WTfRHetgQq5dCzUjh2IdPIWpUj7mT70ow4m7xDuXAITG0qB_tLF4UMBL6xjXqtbQIr/s1600/IMG_0308.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaFm0bhCBvKkAUyYUDWnWNQQBahglNiArbXmZDAKNGXr9CV96SNcIA8RggtoRUQCIyn5ea9PYaJ1WTfRHetgQq5dCzUjh2IdPIWpUj7mT70ow4m7xDuXAITG0qB_tLF4UMBL6xjXqtbQIr/s400/IMG_0308.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Eyebrows growing in weirdly</span><br />
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<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">September 20 [my birthday]</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9VNtiGi9XNEe717Ke2rQRTwRDzcZSstrCBO9xOYQnwHb-f3529niQukWaoOZx2oOR6uYs2zx5MEVpVWI5SS3ll-rnPHhOVddFLoubcITjFpmVDl2VbxCDspPklSzJ65zcvx6q8N_pRp-8/s1600/IMG_0298.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9VNtiGi9XNEe717Ke2rQRTwRDzcZSstrCBO9xOYQnwHb-f3529niQukWaoOZx2oOR6uYs2zx5MEVpVWI5SS3ll-rnPHhOVddFLoubcITjFpmVDl2VbxCDspPklSzJ65zcvx6q8N_pRp-8/s400/IMG_0298.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlDdvzz5CV5CQqpTRjJcOZGWE2TMtwnBWsMpLnksYrfsPSuplL5T8TjWFrWbg3Fp4WgM0EGM46uaHwtaUYzbvQWJ1KSCR8ZqyUS3LQzgtvDqjY3ZVa_qVYJWNkWik4P5Sr1y1GhcKhcpns/s1600/IMG_0296.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: white; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlDdvzz5CV5CQqpTRjJcOZGWE2TMtwnBWsMpLnksYrfsPSuplL5T8TjWFrWbg3Fp4WgM0EGM46uaHwtaUYzbvQWJ1KSCR8ZqyUS3LQzgtvDqjY3ZVa_qVYJWNkWik4P5Sr1y1GhcKhcpns/s400/IMG_0296.JPG" width="300" /></a></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT0W5i7WYDedEZmKNl0yRW_jgeSWZuuv_8EnV5KVMwYsmy2HAq-PqQG0M-YDszRWz8TBFz3sL4b9eGFHMu22UZFAfKfcvFGwi2bEbvXu2eEg9-9ltHdAzuFb3WMKRnJabCuHDajUw1Ppcx/s1600/IMG_0297.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT0W5i7WYDedEZmKNl0yRW_jgeSWZuuv_8EnV5KVMwYsmy2HAq-PqQG0M-YDszRWz8TBFz3sL4b9eGFHMu22UZFAfKfcvFGwi2bEbvXu2eEg9-9ltHdAzuFb3WMKRnJabCuHDajUw1Ppcx/s400/IMG_0297.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Compare to previous photo update to see major difference in size.</span></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBoRIvNf5egicW-C-R_3KPw_bAIHmYTatRINxbGUJZi7e4jWQ5352zUYSSxySRD4ecoDlf1q3DiaXMZJaNGpBn3r2qllpN2TOn1LdKTx0OLCjAcdn_pVETMF3MvCOra7f6uGWxJewhnLqj/s1600/IMG_0306.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBoRIvNf5egicW-C-R_3KPw_bAIHmYTatRINxbGUJZi7e4jWQ5352zUYSSxySRD4ecoDlf1q3DiaXMZJaNGpBn3r2qllpN2TOn1LdKTx0OLCjAcdn_pVETMF3MvCOra7f6uGWxJewhnLqj/s400/IMG_0306.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">September 22</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZofdIkFQqLEiqm5u8iYaS7E9pAo1T33CP1lJQqgpaUxOK_ajJmmb_dND4IC9FKlEBEs9cvF3D8YvjWdrjKOXV-GVMpaSYbUMsTGNF_bwBN4L5POtmrIAhsZGQ4oxgOjUvN5CF48UexrqZ/s1600/IMG_0303.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZofdIkFQqLEiqm5u8iYaS7E9pAo1T33CP1lJQqgpaUxOK_ajJmmb_dND4IC9FKlEBEs9cvF3D8YvjWdrjKOXV-GVMpaSYbUMsTGNF_bwBN4L5POtmrIAhsZGQ4oxgOjUvN5CF48UexrqZ/s400/IMG_0303.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3QJVBHz6rY2vU-TCBHOmqxE9885lZXGft0GMQYAx1_JwrJXM7mMIVj2VfUQyrJIvynYBS3MlVm3PSLzag-AYQ_GiqAOVQpYaRdOKRERBiMB-Cbvb57v0XaqjKxhoancPqeu5ayQCL8NwP/s1600/IMG_0304.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3QJVBHz6rY2vU-TCBHOmqxE9885lZXGft0GMQYAx1_JwrJXM7mMIVj2VfUQyrJIvynYBS3MlVm3PSLzag-AYQ_GiqAOVQpYaRdOKRERBiMB-Cbvb57v0XaqjKxhoancPqeu5ayQCL8NwP/s400/IMG_0304.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrIkiJGYxmiHBMpD4k6L1JvZ4gTRPSSeqpgmB1o72tu4jrzeVDQz-wvcy0zmMUZrH7embZToq7eg6CETCtTkY35eljkKLto_xhlNMHmIsyyxJ9WkvSXDQd9b8N7Jhe9KSq-uQDpkxR9TRa/s1600/IMG_0305.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrIkiJGYxmiHBMpD4k6L1JvZ4gTRPSSeqpgmB1o72tu4jrzeVDQz-wvcy0zmMUZrH7embZToq7eg6CETCtTkY35eljkKLto_xhlNMHmIsyyxJ9WkvSXDQd9b8N7Jhe9KSq-uQDpkxR9TRa/s400/IMG_0305.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Deep creases and hyper pigmention. I worry if this will go away after this is over.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiGmLREMfYCUifEY1BaEGXDLW66YDSIQIUktDcBF3PmWLWjpx2Y5nSlNuOf2chZY9fv4IOJKq6akk2Z12o14Rq6MVts16ZwwmDARYUj4isf-EBuO1s3rDhY1m5UawpT3CWl6QlNCJ589ej/s1600/IMG_0310.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: white; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiGmLREMfYCUifEY1BaEGXDLW66YDSIQIUktDcBF3PmWLWjpx2Y5nSlNuOf2chZY9fv4IOJKq6akk2Z12o14Rq6MVts16ZwwmDARYUj4isf-EBuO1s3rDhY1m5UawpT3CWl6QlNCJ589ej/s400/IMG_0310.JPG" width="300" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Stubborn nail paint on my toe!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"> I haven't painted my nails since June. I won't dare use nail polish remover... eek!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRGIlHKxDKeBq0Ht5NVqF2mcDjYrzXJ7blgKpdbLowjPTf3AgIBtc6_zgNgBJA-uHb-FdshJViQMXETNkEak4P4evpZRKa8E5wSS8bixL0V0q73BpGg4l3qSXEmlkrl-WzDQMWHg9QzW9p/s1600/IMG_0302.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRGIlHKxDKeBq0Ht5NVqF2mcDjYrzXJ7blgKpdbLowjPTf3AgIBtc6_zgNgBJA-uHb-FdshJViQMXETNkEak4P4evpZRKa8E5wSS8bixL0V0q73BpGg4l3qSXEmlkrl-WzDQMWHg9QzW9p/s400/IMG_0302.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Swollen joint</span><br />
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<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">October 1st</span></b><br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHfL9XNyw0rG16UJRjONhAUjaoJ0deaCeueZIS-J4imTSlDUEn3D6dbpXqzE_0C92OFLDH_sYP3-7FEJOxJtFz1-wB79iYIAzEAKxdjkC5jkED5jG4L8k0zpXi19JSZIyauekXVUoenMzu/s1600/IMG_0312.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHfL9XNyw0rG16UJRjONhAUjaoJ0deaCeueZIS-J4imTSlDUEn3D6dbpXqzE_0C92OFLDH_sYP3-7FEJOxJtFz1-wB79iYIAzEAKxdjkC5jkED5jG4L8k0zpXi19JSZIyauekXVUoenMzu/s400/IMG_0312.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">A small semblance of normality</span></td></tr>
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<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Today</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7Ut4_5gkoDJSLHwsys7bnbZT0A3U1PuVyRf5Zmty6R1V6pEHDAsJ4NAqC5Mk_W8b1KRqjwnHG2p8hKLpIG0vmj1IKWdxnfPTWEQaEUWsX4IK8FzGWcWNZ-jbwji6QRZ_zD11NfnM8rQfF/s1600/IMG_0316.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: white; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7Ut4_5gkoDJSLHwsys7bnbZT0A3U1PuVyRf5Zmty6R1V6pEHDAsJ4NAqC5Mk_W8b1KRqjwnHG2p8hKLpIG0vmj1IKWdxnfPTWEQaEUWsX4IK8FzGWcWNZ-jbwji6QRZ_zD11NfnM8rQfF/s400/IMG_0316.JPG" width="300" /></a></span></div>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh96gxxftrc_IK_g70BEEzhUJk1iWlvC9wAjOLM0iaIvXRKol2Pm2Eenx5Oapo8TxFwY_EBBmF3yD1UvGZXn9USrFvYQ3YHN9Xlzu5BICh8qdeEAOCYiooVjARvFkO_rPONcodbj9vO6dy7/s1600/IMG_0318.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh96gxxftrc_IK_g70BEEzhUJk1iWlvC9wAjOLM0iaIvXRKol2Pm2Eenx5Oapo8TxFwY_EBBmF3yD1UvGZXn9USrFvYQ3YHN9Xlzu5BICh8qdeEAOCYiooVjARvFkO_rPONcodbj9vO6dy7/s400/IMG_0318.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Ankle after doing some scratching... tsk! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEssU9lORy6tBvCH3jN_0G61sUQg6E29OfA2th0c7wXI2eDGfSLoJTP1_P88yQZKU1SBkq4jCHo619xzvftxFQdRPL6HYz9HHDu9r1JmbsssFzYXJAuSNzW85s__vitCJAUpH6gTmBtplK/s1600/IMG_0315.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEssU9lORy6tBvCH3jN_0G61sUQg6E29OfA2th0c7wXI2eDGfSLoJTP1_P88yQZKU1SBkq4jCHo619xzvftxFQdRPL6HYz9HHDu9r1JmbsssFzYXJAuSNzW85s__vitCJAUpH6gTmBtplK/s400/IMG_0315.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Wrist</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF9tQYisYi3o3nKFw4-rRUV5rzvQl2AGuEpaUIwNk3lm_HHXeA8fkgQKrGbVvDZjhuTjZavyv7AVNwHcrBDspfKekqM19dx1RaDxgAkJcyUn5AHJw74TE7h2Jh_FmJSTcYV4qijudtPZ6r/s1600/IMG_0317.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF9tQYisYi3o3nKFw4-rRUV5rzvQl2AGuEpaUIwNk3lm_HHXeA8fkgQKrGbVvDZjhuTjZavyv7AVNwHcrBDspfKekqM19dx1RaDxgAkJcyUn5AHJw74TE7h2Jh_FmJSTcYV4qijudtPZ6r/s400/IMG_0317.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Palms and bottoms of my feet are itchy itchy ITCHY!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Until next time! <span style="font-size: large; line-height: 34px; text-align: justify;">✌</span><span style="color: #444444; font-size: 13px; line-height: 22px; text-align: left;">(✿◠‿◠)</span></span></div>
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Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-13503660891832306422013-09-13T05:52:00.002-04:002013-09-13T05:56:24.961-04:00Hope Dangles on a String...<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>Like slow spinning redemption, </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>Winding in and winding out... </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>The shine of it has caught my eye, </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>And roped me in so mesmerizing </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>And so hypnotizing. </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>I am captivated.</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Slowly my skin is looking and feeling better. The redness is dissipating; the weeping occuring less often despite my incessant scratching. Even the elephant skin seems less elephant-y. I know I have a long, unpaved road to travel, but things are finally looking up. There is hope intertwined in my basket of ever-changing emotions. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Don't get me wrong. I'm still a slave to my skin every hour of the day. My nights are completely devoid of sleep. The itch insists on spending all day long with me despite my obvious disdain for it. I long for the day it finally packs up its bags and leaves for good. The nerve pain is still sticking around too, nevertheless it visits less often. I still dread showering since that is when it hits me the worse. My neck, followed by my chest, is the most affected by the nerve pain. However, my calves and feet are the reddest, bumpiest and itchiest. They were the last areas to flare so it makes sense they calm down last. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Slowly but surely everything will go away. As someone who has suffered from terrible "eczema" flares for over a decade, I grow eager with anticipation when I think about the fact that one day all of this will finally be over. Every horrible symptom will merely be a horrible memory. I sincerely hope I've gotten past the worse, but I must keep a guarded mind. There is no way of knowing what will happen next, therefore I must keep realistic expectations.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-44795593867462543812013-09-02T21:47:00.000-04:002013-10-06T20:11:06.245-04:0011 Months Down {photos}<br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Happy Labor Day everyone! Yesterday I reached 11 months of withdrawal. Crazy to think in 29 days I will have reached a year off steroids. My first time withdrawing had been 13~14 months. In these past 11 months I have been through miles worse than I had my first withdrawal. The price I paid for resorting back to steroids. Lesson more than learned. I hope everyone reading this avoids making the same mistake I did.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It's been over a month since I last posted. I want to thank everyone who commented. I'm sorry I didn't reply to anyone. I was in a terrible state during that time physically, emotionally and mentally. Since then things have improved in some ways. The easiest way for me to update is to describe what I was going through last month versus now in list form.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Beginning of flare [June-July]:</b><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span id="goog_1189446447"></span><span id="goog_1189446448"></span><br /></span>
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<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Energy levels decreased drastically</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Insomnia kicked back in; <span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">mostly sleep only during daytime</span></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Itching worsened </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Skin reddened esp. on face and neck</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Pimply itchy oozy bumps on cheeks</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Eyes swollen upon waking</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Skin on face/neck cycled from oozy and crusty to flaky</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Redness slowly spreading on limbs</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Enlarged lymph nodes in neck and groin</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Crawling sensations</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Peak of flare [mid-July to mid-August]:</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-PKE3P8anNlq75ViEQgmdOq456ykNoYRR6rv0FdPLn6x4aFFa_SESvmz68AyTAky9mE9vIWh62UoOdU3sHgaSc3Wvygazswgz1LgnNOhHd1HmqzgT8b5q82XXZYhfEBTr4ebISCjL2syV/s1600/IMG_0166.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-PKE3P8anNlq75ViEQgmdOq456ykNoYRR6rv0FdPLn6x4aFFa_SESvmz68AyTAky9mE9vIWh62UoOdU3sHgaSc3Wvygazswgz1LgnNOhHd1HmqzgT8b5q82XXZYhfEBTr4ebISCjL2syV/s320/IMG_0166.JPG" /></span></a></center>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv3lUiLtVNEQUBlw_rNMwJmKtS6ZTKxytgTlya1_FdeIdeDjQZCjPUKtvb0Z_jKll3GV79exNz8EfjfKHC9tv5uZA6X1dS99L_ETD8QOOCrzDlZ_GSXUPYJ4K1i9vnaDcanO-FpWJirsQM/s1600/IMG_0166.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv3lUiLtVNEQUBlw_rNMwJmKtS6ZTKxytgTlya1_FdeIdeDjQZCjPUKtvb0Z_jKll3GV79exNz8EfjfKHC9tv5uZA6X1dS99L_ETD8QOOCrzDlZ_GSXUPYJ4K1i9vnaDcanO-FpWJirsQM/s320/IMG_0166.JPG" /></a>^redness is washed out^</span></span></div>
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<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Sleeping became nearly impossible even with meds</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Erythema worsened from red to dark red</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Oozing became relentless and full body</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Constant feeling of damp, coldness</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Uncontrollable shivering despite it being summer here</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Worried I had an infection, took antibiotics which seemingly unhelpful</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Feelings of despair and anxiety overwhelmed my mind</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Uncontrollable itch frenzies occurred once a day at least</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Skin easily damaged; fragile and broken</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Ears, face and neck swollen</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Movement painful</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Edema on legs starting at calves, which later became severe and throughout entire legs and feet</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Strange heart palpitations/fluttering</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Mild hair loss (eyebrows, scalp, eyelashes)</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Elephant skin (knees, hands, elbows)</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Pins and needles+ crawling sensations</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Lymph nodes enlarged neck-almond sized, groin-golf ball/walnut sized</span></li>
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<b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Current condition [mid-August to today]:</b></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">^Note how swollen legs are even after much improvement.^ <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipMCGR7gh9JUVv3T8B2fF0aJmkWhwbRgTFqtlK8ZcdOws7vaViuN1B1vxib2Auy8IJZVJZF3aYsb11DFB6qYjuik1g0sGN-3kOVCh1xEx3XdJOAC94qsmVY-X65anKCteIC9x00MdB5d_2/s1600/IMG_0166.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipMCGR7gh9JUVv3T8B2fF0aJmkWhwbRgTFqtlK8ZcdOws7vaViuN1B1vxib2Auy8IJZVJZF3aYsb11DFB6qYjuik1g0sGN-3kOVCh1xEx3XdJOAC94qsmVY-X65anKCteIC9x00MdB5d_2/s320/IMG_0166.JPG" /></a></span></div>
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</ul>
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<br />
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Edema has reduced nearly completely (Lost 10lbs this week alone)</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Oozing has decreased, now upon scratching, as opposed to 24/7</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Itch frenzies still occurring on daily basis</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Skin healing has increased in speed</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Redness decreased</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Skin is flakey and dry</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Elephant skin more prominent</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Lymph nodes in groin enlarged~ several golf ball/walnut size on both sides (no obvious changes in size since July)</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Night sweats like crazy</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Temperature regulation still off, but now not freezing always</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tight, fragile feeling of skin esp. thin neck, chest, forehead</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Intense, sanity-wrecking prickling nerve sensations (growing more intense this week)</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Insomnia still a burden</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Mentally calmer and accepting of situation</span></li>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">
I have more pictures which I will probably post later with dates and captions to show better progression. I'll have to do it when I get on my laptop. Posting on the iPad is annoying and too time consuming due blogger's many hiccups. Also I will be taking more pictures as the days go by.<br />
<br />
Right now my skin is doing better and I'm so grateful the oozing is FINALLY dying down. I Hated how disgusting it made me feel. I still ooze a little when I scratch so it's not completely gone but time will remedy that within the next coming weeks I believe. My legs are also much better and looking back to their normal size almost. The above pictures don't show how they are today but how they were last Monday or Tuesday. Also amazing is how my the wounds and cracks are healing despite my constant scratching. I scratch EVERYDAY EVERYWHERE. I usually have two major daily scratch fests- after my shower and sometime at night. This is when I really do damage. However, the skin is truly resilient and proves to heal more rapidly as the days past. I was wrecked with worry over my scratching during the peak of my flare. My skin was soooo cracked, raw and fragile. But now not so much! I'm still a little red, fragile, flaky but compared to what my skin looked like a month ago I'm looking and feeling loads better.<br />
<br />
HOWEVER, lately I have been getting horrible electrical type nerve zapping and prickling sensations. I have never in my life felt such sensations for such long periods. I have a hard time describing it to my parents but it has driven me to a pile of tears on multiple occasions in the past few days. Yesterday I had this horrible sensation for a few hours after showering. The only thing to calm it down is using a heating pad. For some reason the heat of the blow dryer doesn't seem to do the trick. As of the wee hours of the morning today, I seem to have it all the time now. I thought the bone-deep itch was bad, but no this is a whole new level. It is like an itch except worse as it can not be quelled at All by scratching. It makes me feel insane. It causes me to jolt and scream and cry. I can't sleep now that this is happening. My mom had to comfort me to calm me down a few times during these electrical "fits." I'm so grateful for my parents. I don't know what I would do without them...especially in a time such as this. Today they went out and bought me a heating pad to wrap around my neck(the worse area for me), Tri-calm cream, Gold Bond lotion, etc. The Tri-calm cream is a non-steroid anti-itch cream which has an active ingredient of aluminum acetate. I'll let you know how I get on with that and the Gold Bond. They also brought me lunch too. They're doing their best to bring me comfort during this far from comfortable time. I think these sensations I'm feeling are what others have described as nerve pain, except I'm not sure because it's a weird pain. I'd much rather have normal "pain" than this. Only good thing is, I've read in the forums this is a sign of nerves waking up and healing. I'm also having night sweats again which is a good sign. I got them before my last calm period. Maybe I'm heading towards another one. Maybe... I'm not going to read too much into anything since TSW is a sneaky Lil beast!<br />
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I'll be updating more frequently now that I'm feeling better. I hope you all are seeing improvements as the days pass. Remember... Every day we are one step closer!<br />
<br />
Peace xx</span>Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-49952884820589641212013-08-31T08:55:00.000-04:002013-08-31T08:55:42.702-04:00Sheer Frustration<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">WILL I EVER STOP SCRATCHING!!????!??!?</span></b>Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-18194852359947570402013-07-25T10:04:00.000-04:002013-10-08T19:20:40.542-04:00Bathtub BlogLately the only place I feel somewhat okay. I will be so glad when this is all over. My second flare so far has been much more severe than my first. I thought the first one was horrendous.<br />
<br />
I need to find a way to stop scratching my skin. It is so raw and tender. Especially my neck. It scares me. Everyday at least once I fall into a fit of skin tearing madness. How do I stop myself? It seems no matter what I do to try to prevent myself is futile. I'm worried about the damage I am causing. I feel like there's no way I will heal this way. A devastating thought. I've also been oozing bucket loads EVERYWHERE. I feel so gross all the time. Even if I don't scratch I ooze. Of course when I scratch its several times worse.<br />
<br />
I really miss my friends, my life... I cry thinking about the time lost to this. I'm living a half life at best. Simply going through the motions, waiting to feel somewhat okay. I'm suffering greatly and it's tearing me down. I'm full of self-pity and I apologize to anyone reading. There's just no other way I feel lately. I try to incorporate a semblance of positivity in my life, but it's difficult. I pray to God to make the suffering end and give me the strength to see this through. I know it will end. I will heal. I will live a happy, prosperous life. This will make me a stronger person. <br />
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<i>I must go on standing. I'm on my own; it's not my choice.</i><br />
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<br />Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-24124263213008210902013-07-12T03:42:00.000-04:002013-07-12T06:02:21.614-04:00Ramblings of a Red GirlMy last post I was complaining about how my skin was being indecisive and I couldn't tell if it was on the verge of blowing up or calming down. Frustrating. Well turns out, it decided to finally make up its mind literally the next day and I do not like its decision.<br />
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My skin has gotten several times worse. It was already bad to begin with, but now it's just downright debilitating. Oozing, raw, red, flaky skin all over my face, neck and ears. Traveling all the way down my body but in lesser severity. I can't sleep, even when I take hydroxyzine (Atarax). I'm up all night. I can manage bouts of "sleep" throughout the day after 12pm. However, they're extremely disrupted due to my discomfort, pain, and itch. I can barely move my neck, and when I attempt to I feel like my skin is going to crack and tear apart. I know this is all part of the process and I've gone through this all before several times in my life. I'm ready for it to be over, but I know I still have a long ways to go. Twenty years of slathering and ingesting these foul chemicals onto my body has led to this. Now it's time for my body to repair itself and run its course. No matter how painful and distressing, I just have to keep myself positive and remember this WILL end. As unbelievable as it may seem sometimes. It's just so scary having NO IDEA whatsoever <i>when</i>.</div>
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I'm obsessed with finding out when... When will it calm down? When will the flare end? When will I see drastic improvements again? When will my body be done with prolonged, life-pausing flares? Most importantly, when will my skin finally be healed?</div>
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There's no way of knowing. But I still find myself reading countless blogs, ITSAN posts, etc. Trying to see if I can figure it out, even slightly, from others experiences. Trying to find out if there seems to be a way to shorten the process. These attempts are futile at best, but I can't help myself. There's a part of me that won't give in to the thought that I have absolutely no control over this. I just have to accept it and face the music though. I'm getting tired of obsessing over it, but at the same time it's so hard not think about your skin when every waking moment your reminded by every uncomfortable movement, every itch, every glance in the mirror.</div>
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This morning I got out of my bed around 9 AM to take a shower. I don't take baths because they're simply too much of a hassle for me to make. I got in and it stung for a few seconds, but nothing too bad. Overall taking a shower feels pretty good. You know, as good as one can feel when their skin resembles that of a burn victim. It's AFTER the shower when all the disaster usually takes place. Today wasn't an exception.</div>
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I get out, pat dry until I'm left with slightly damp skin, and slather on my CeraVe cream. I try to do this as fast as possible because I HATE touching my skin when it's like this. Then I blow dry my hair because I know I'm going to crawl back in bed and anything damp touching my neck is an absolute no, no. It takes me at least 15 minutes to dry my hair cause it's long and thick (another hassle of its own, especially during TSW). Then as I'm ready to get into my bed, it starts. I itch. Starts out almost calm. Almost like I'm in this strange trance. Then it escalades... until BAM, I have no self-control whatsoever. Clawing at my skin like a mad woman with my nearly non-existant nails. I scratched until I couldn't scratch anymore. I hate it. My poor face. My poor, fragile neck. Torn to shreds of their former self. Now I was left with the horrible feeling of ooze on freshly raw skin. I had to jump back in the shower again. This time I put the tap on as hot as I can make it. So terrible. I just had to calm the monster living inside my skin. Taking over me. Afterwards, I climbed out of the shower for the second time, slathered on the lotion for the second time, blow dried my hair for the second time, I finally settled in my bed, exhausted. It was now 11 AM. Two hours later. My skin was still on fire, still itchy. The beast knows no end. I think I finally fell asleep a little before 1 PM. Only for a short while, of course. It's absolute torture, this thing. I don't know how people manage to work and live somewhat productive lives during flares. Kudos to them. I simply don't have that strength within me. Not anymore at least. </div>
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To make matters worse, everything above happened after taking 40mg of hydroxyzine after my first shower. My script is for up to 4 pills (10mg ea.), up to 4 times a day. I don't take it 4 times a day though. I actually rarely take them because I am weary of all Rx drugs now. Lately though, the lack of sleep and sanity-wrecking itch have left me no choice. I wonder how large of a dose I can take at once since 40mg obviously doesn't seem to do the trick for me. Perhaps 50 or 60mg? I just need some damn uninterrupted sleep before I completely lose my mind. If it hasn't happened already... ~womp womp~</div>
Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-37362959859597883552013-07-06T15:55:00.000-04:002013-07-12T06:02:33.302-04:00Unknown HappeningsI have no idea if my skin is on the verge of blowing up, calming down or just in a perpetual stage of indecision. It's been cycling through different stages of mid-level flares all month. Back and forth.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjguqr1eS8AxJO-DvXkziRFSHP0mDpo9VoYfKvzhMHIfTm3pS2pw5IwRjTo6Cj0hJPxrkqjSBzD8yj6iRhsE2GFzddJ74O4BmV1wv1BWyBRGWwrXoyY5ymdr35hkoSwfsIUBB4po4hX9kZv/s1600/IMG_0096.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjguqr1eS8AxJO-DvXkziRFSHP0mDpo9VoYfKvzhMHIfTm3pS2pw5IwRjTo6Cj0hJPxrkqjSBzD8yj6iRhsE2GFzddJ74O4BmV1wv1BWyBRGWwrXoyY5ymdr35hkoSwfsIUBB4po4hX9kZv/s400/IMG_0096.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Myself, being silly. March '13</td></tr>
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Make up your mind already!Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-17397046175893858442013-07-03T01:31:00.000-04:002013-07-12T06:02:42.913-04:00275 Days Down.Well, it's been 275 days since I began my withdrawal. To say it's been rough is an understatement. Sometime soon I will be making a post describing my withdrawal from beginning to present and possibly post some pictures. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures from the first few months, during the worst of it. I found it too hard to look at myself and move out of my bed, let alone photo document it. <br />
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Right now I am going through what I can only assume is the "second big flare." It started around the end of month eight. I don't know what to think of it. It's been over a month and while it hasn't been even NEARLY as terrible as my first prolonged flare from November-January, it has certainly been disheartening.</div>
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I am lucky enough to have had a few months break. The same thing occurred my first time withdrawing. I had a few months of nearly clear skin. It was mostly just an itch here and there, a few scabs maybe, and the battle scars of course. This time around my calm period began mid February and ended around the last week of May.</div>
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I knew it was coming to an end, but the reality wasn't easy to face. It started with a little bit of itch on my cheeks. I suppose I could sense something brewing deep within my skin. Slowly it became worse, but I was still able to maintain a social life for most of June. </div>
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However things really got ugly the last week of June and the social life ended. I've been increasingly exhausted. I can't sleep during the night AT ALL. I've consistently gone to sleep past 8 AM for the last week or more. It's awful. Then I sleep throughout the whole day. Waking up every few hours, of course.</div>
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My skin is flaky, itchy, and red. Some days are better than some. My face, neck, ears, chest, and back of knees have the worst of it. My scalp is also extremely itchy and flaky. The worse part of this besides the obvious DISCOMFORT, is how mentally draining this whole process is. The uncertainty creates a feeling of devastation and panic within my mind. I feel like I can't move forward with my life. I have no idea what to expect. I just graduated college and I need to find a job ASAP. I have rent and bills to pay, not to mention my grace period for my loans ends in November. However, at the moment, I don't feel I'm in any condition to start a new job... especially if things get worse! What is one supposed to do?</div>
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There's nothing I can do, I suppose. At least for now, except rest and let my body heal. Things will be okay. I just have to hope and see where these next few weeks take me.</div>
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My Yogi tea quote of the night:</div>
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"You must know that you can swim through every tide and change of time."</span></b><br />
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How extremely fitting. </div>
Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-8641925718349536742013-06-29T04:36:00.000-04:002013-07-12T06:02:12.316-04:00Positive Thoughts, Positive EnergyThings I will do once I'm healed... Hallelujah!<br />
<ol>
<li>Touch up all my tattoos.</li>
<li>Get a new tattoo...or two...or six. I deserve it :)</li>
<li>Buy new clothes that show off my renewed, beautiful, healthy, glowing skin.</li>
<li>Spend each day outside, even if just for a little bit, and enjoy the feel of nature's elements on my skin. No more staying cooped up all day, hiding from the world. </li>
<li>Travel around the country and hopefully other countries as well. My feet must touch European ground someday!</li>
<li>Go swimming !</li>
<li>Buy new swimsuits... Victoria's Secret, anyone?</li>
<li>Date, fall in love, etc... Without holding myself back.</li>
<li>Make the most of my days to make up for lost time.</li>
<li>Revive friendships, meet new people, explore.</li>
<li>Be wild, young, and free at last.</li>
<li>Find a job I love that pays well.</li>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNStcS2mG1rvxBN167KvtDPBosFI97CHgSTzXmCHgSgURCawraespaLGexc_k1ngT0wRWIlHGhUZdClbwdJ4UASNmIB16GpRirpk8Q8y5ZZ5Z8cBjSbv11BlOunOl7rYzK_V_89U1IoAjl/s1600/IMG_0097.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNStcS2mG1rvxBN167KvtDPBosFI97CHgSTzXmCHgSgURCawraespaLGexc_k1ngT0wRWIlHGhUZdClbwdJ4UASNmIB16GpRirpk8Q8y5ZZ5Z8cBjSbv11BlOunOl7rYzK_V_89U1IoAjl/s400/IMG_0097.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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There are so many things I could think of, but those are just a few. Even though TSW is an evil, tortorous hell ride on Earth, it will at least serve the purpose of giving us all a new perspective on life. We will be rejuvenated, reborn like a Phoenix. Hmm.. I think I just thought of the perfect tattoo to get once I've healed. </div>
Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-90425028066791739782013-06-24T03:55:00.000-04:002013-06-24T03:55:09.828-04:00Alone & UncertainI don't know what to do. I hate not knowing. Constantly being unsure about how my condition will be tomorrow, next week, next month. Lately my skin has been flaring for the past month. Some days are better than others. But even those days seem bleak. I try to maintain as normal a life as I can, but most days I just want to hide away in shame. I hate looking and feeling this way. This withdrawal is taking everything out of me. I am on the verge of tears most days. However crying won't make this go away. It's eating away at me. I just want to live a normal life. One of the worst parts is just not knowing. How long will this be? How much longer do I have to suffer? And what degree of suffering most I endure?<br />
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I know I'm not the only one going through this. But I feel so alone in this. I try to hide this from my friends as much as possible, but there's only so much I can hide. <br />
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Right now my face and neck are red and the dreadful ooze has returned. I had a scratch fest earlier today and now my face looks ten times worse. I woke up yesterday thinking things were looking better and turning around. Only to be duped once again. It's so unpredictable and back and forth. I feel as if things are going to take a turn for the worse very soon. It breaks my heart. All I can do is weather the storm and hope for the best.<br />
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May the storm be over sooner than not and bring brighter days.Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-77175456976747030962013-06-15T06:22:00.001-04:002013-07-12T06:03:10.236-04:00Past 6am...& I'm still up. Not surprising.<br />
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It's strange how my skin flaring again equates to my sleep schedule once again being all screwed up. How does that work exactly? It shows how this withdrawal is truly a collective healing period for the body. It's not just the blood vessels dilating and excess of NO (nitric oxide) within our skin. My adrenal glands are still healing. My cortisol levels are who knows? There's so many strange things going on with my body. I find myself wondering if every little thing is due to the corticosteroids. Only time will tell... And heal. Positive thoughts, positive energy... 🙌🙏<br />
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Now that the sun is up, perhaps sleep will come to me.Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-13839599666706957142013-06-15T01:53:00.000-04:002013-06-29T18:21:49.875-04:00My First Withdrawal.I haven't written here in so long. I'm terrible at keeping up with blogs, however I am going to try and maintain it this time. As stated in my <i>About Me </i>I am going through topical steroid withdrawal (TSW).<br />
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This is my second time going through this, per se. The first time I didn't know I was going through withdrawal, I just thought my body was detoxing. Luckily, I was only bad the first couple months, and even so it wasn't that bad comparatively to other people going through this. It was summer 2011. My skin was red, itchy, and flakey, but somehow I was able to live a relatively normal life throughout this time period. I was working part-time and exercising every few days outside, running/jogging/walking. By October, my skin had calmed down drastically and my skin continued to heal and see improvements until about May 2012. Slowly my skin started to deteriorate again. I was itchy, had pink blotches on my face and legs, etc. It wasn't until the end of July that things turned ugly. The back of my knees were terribly affected by the TSW. They were raw, red and oozing. I could barely walk due to the pain. It worsened and I was at my wits end as to why this was happening, trying all sorts of supplements and such, looking into my diet, etc. <br />
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By the beginning of August, it had become full body. I would wake up with my eyes swollen slightly. I couldn't function. I couldn't sleep, but I couldn't get out of bed due to the exhaustion. I was having terrible anxiety. Heart racing. Chills. Swollen lymph nodes. I really thought something terrible was wrong with me. Hence my decision to call a dermatologist. Something I detested having to do. I decided to go to a new one, Dr. P (relatively speaking, I had not seen her since I was in middle school). <br />
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I went in, looking and feeling absolutely miserable. Dr. P looked at me in awe, said I was the worst case of eczema she's seen in ten years. I explained to her my past. How I've used topical and oral steroids <i>ineffectively</i> for years. How I truly believed they were not the answer because my eczema always got worse afterwards (specifically Prednisone). How I stopped using them last year and my skin got better. Etc. However, she said this was just how my skin is. I had severe atopic eczema, there was no rhyme or reason for the way my skin behaved. She prescribed Triamcimalone for my body and Desonide for the face, along with a few days of Prednisone, Atarax and antibiotics. In addition, she told me I would eventually need to go on stronger meds to maintain normal skin. I believe it was Methotrexate we discussed. When I was 15, I was put on Cyclosporin for almost a year so this was not something shockingly new to me. We set a time to meet in a few days and I was on my way, feeling dejected. However I believed (at the time) I had done the right thing seeing her, since I was in such bad shape.<br />
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When I went home with my prescriptions, I dealt with an inner battle of what to do about the steroids. My biggest issue was with the Prednisone. I have been on Prednisone too many times to count since I was about 10 or 11. Honestly I'm afraid to know how many times I've been on it as I know it was frequent from ages 11-15 and then several times again at 22. After that I was hospitalized during a major flare. This is when they put me on cyclosporin. I was seeing a new dermatologist, Dr. K. I really liked him. I knew he looked extensively into my case. Although they put me on Prednisone when I was in the hospital, afterwards they told me I should never go on them again. Something I took to heart.<br />
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<i>To be continued.</i>Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-67407135126556575372012-12-19T04:20:00.003-05:002012-12-19T04:20:53.362-05:00SufferingWhen will this flare subside? I've been looking around online at other people's TSW blogs and I'm scared this will be much longer than I was prepared for. It's been 3, almost 4 weeks. I can't stand it any longer. It scares me to think this will continue on for months. How do people do it?<br />
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I just want it to cool down for Christmas and New Year's at least. I don't want to be miserable during the holidays and bum my family out. This is definitely the hardest thing I have ever gone through.<br />
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<i>God, please help me. Give me the strength to see this through. </i>Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4016377491706012068.post-27323601943887700992011-04-12T02:28:00.000-04:002011-04-12T02:57:20.436-04:00April 11, 2011Food Intake:<br />
Yoplait yogurt (Strawberry Orange Sunrise)<br />
Garden Veggie Straws<br />
Chef-Boyardee Ravioli<br />
Sunflower seeds<br />
Potato Straws (Cheddar)<br />
V8 Light Strawberry Banana Juice<br />
Water<br />
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Vitamins/Supplements:<br />
Fish Oil<br />
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On Skin:<br />
CeraVe cream<br />
Vaseline Intensive Rescue lotion<br />
Promiseb Topical Cream<br />
Body Essence Tea Tree body wash<br />
Diluted Bleach Bath (1/4 cup)<br />
Equate Sensitive Skin Astrigent (on weepy skin)<br />
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Hands:<br />
Germ X aloe Hand Santizer<br />
Dial NutriSkin (Grape Seed & Lemongrass)<br />
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Hair:<br />
Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Shampoo<br />
Sauve Raspberry & White Tea ColorCare Conditioner<br />
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Makeup Today?: Yes<br />
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Condition:<br />
Weepy, bumpy and red behind ears, cheeks red with tiny pimple-like bumps, wrists red, dry & itchy, rest of body relatively calm.<br />
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My skin has recently been flaring up more than usual. I've struggled with on and off infections since November of 2010 and been on antibiotics 4 times since December. I'm confused as to why my skin has freaked out similarly to how it had been during my worse stage (12-16 years old). I don't know what I did to exaberate it but I am pretty sure infections is the reason my skin has become so irritated. My skin drastically improves when the infections subside, but once my skin starts to get infected again it is a war-zone. My worse spots are behind my ears, neck, checks, forehead, wrists, inner elbows and knees. I'm done taking antibiotics. I see no improvements and am pretty sure whatever bacteria is bothering me has become resistant. I believe it is just making my body and skin weaker and dependent instead of self-sufficient. I'm also through with steroids (oral and topical). I don't even know how much damage it has caused me. It has weakened my immune system and skin, especially on my face. I want to figure out safer and more effective ways to control my eczema. I'm going to try and improve my diet, quit smoking, and drink less. Today I took for the first time a diluted bleach bath. My dermatologist recommended I try it to help kill bacteria on my skin and keep infections on bay. We'll see if it works. My hopes are high. I read a lot on it and it seems it can really help eczema sufferers. More tomorrow.Chantilly Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10122298013737531037noreply@blogger.com0