Falling for old tricks again.

Writing in here seems foreign, but I found myself thinking of this catalog as my old enemy has come back to visit.  It's actually been around 18 months since the problem returned.  It's been hard to accept; taking my mind back to dark, familiar places.  

Sometime in early 2019, my skin had started flaring.  It's hard to pinpoint the exact time, as looking back it started here and there in small areas of my body.  My wrists for example were constantly irritated almost all of 2019.  Then towards the end of July, I noticed a spreading throughout my body.  It went away and then came back in August.  After that, it was not calming down.  My skin and mentality was absolutely wrecked.   

After months of battling the flares to no avail, I came to a breaking point.  I was in pain and afraid I was exposing my skin to the possibility of infections.  The week of Thanksgiving, I was on vacation with my family in Florida, visiting the extended family.  My skin was even worse by the time our plane landed.  I was so itchy and broken, I couldn't bring myself to leave my bed, except to eat and shower.  I couldn't bear staying the rest of the vacation in that state.  I had my parents take me to the hospital.  The practitioner prescribed Prednisone and a relatively low-dose corticosteroid cream to apply to my face and body, and a round of antibiotics.  The steroids worked like a dream, of course.  

For those familiar with Topical Steroid Addiction, you know it was merely a band-aid.  I sparingly, but consistently, used the topical corticosteroids throughout this year.  I noticed once I would stop for a few days, my skin would start to get itchy, pink, and irritated.  The familiar song and dance.  I continued on, in denial, hoping that I would find the right skin routine to prevent what I have known in the back of my mind all along.  As long as I used the steroid cream, I would be constantly reliant on it.  I would need it more and more, and eventually it would cease to work.  

So here I am three weeks since I stopped the steroid cream.  At first, it seemed like everything would be ok.  Things were not great, but my skin, while irritated and flaring, seemed to have come to a plateau.  It seemed like it was slowly healing.  However, it all went downhill at an excruciating speed.  I feel that I'm still recovering from the whiplash of how quickly my skin has taken a turn for the worst.  The night before, I had woken up a few times in the night to night sweats.  When I got up yesterday morning, I was drenched in sweat.  My face was dripping.  It was very odd.  I hoped in the shower, and noticed afterwards that my skin seemed to be extra red.  As the day progressed my skin has started to crack and weep.  I don't know what has happened, what lead to this sudden onset.    

I'm trying to be gentle with myself, and hope for the best.  This is just a setback.  I'm putting my faith in God that this will pass, just as it has in the past.  Healing will come.