Thursday, July 25, 2013

Bathtub Blog

Lately the only place I feel somewhat okay.  I will be so glad when this is all over.  My second flare so far has been much more severe than my first.  I thought the first one was horrendous.

I need to find a way to stop scratching my skin.  It is so raw and tender.  Especially my neck.  It scares me.  Everyday at least once I fall into a fit of skin tearing madness.  How do I stop myself?  It seems no matter what I do to try to prevent myself is futile.  I'm worried about the damage I am causing.  I feel like there's no way I will heal this way.  A devastating thought.  I've also been oozing bucket loads EVERYWHERE.  I feel so gross all the time.  Even if I don't scratch I ooze.  Of course when I scratch its several times worse.

I really miss my friends, my life... I cry thinking about the time lost to this.  I'm living a half life at best.  Simply going through the motions, waiting to feel somewhat okay.  I'm suffering greatly and it's tearing me down.  I'm full of self-pity and I apologize to anyone reading.  There's just no other way I feel lately.   I try to incorporate a semblance of positivity in my life, but it's difficult.  I pray to God to make the suffering end and give me the strength to see this through.  I know it will end.  I will heal.  I will live a happy, prosperous life.  This will make me a stronger person.

I must go on standing.  I'm on my own; it's not my choice.


6 comments:

  1. Stay Strong Chantel.
    there is a happy end of all this.
    Lets both pray to leave our half lives and into full lives when this is OVAAAA.

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  2. I was like this on Tuesday. I don't recommend taking immunosuppressants as they aren't for everyone but the change I've experienced has been phenomenal. Full on oozing one day to pale white skin the next. Mental. Just waiting for my legs to catch on.

    You can do this though, I have every faith in you.xxxx

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    Replies
    1. Hey there! Don't stress yourself about scratching! I was the same way. Literally tearing apart my arms and neck. WHat begins to happen as you heal is you get less itch, giving the torn skin a chance to heal! A couple months ago my arms and neck were really scratched up and bleeding and oozing. Now they are are almost no scabs. I find I itch less often! Hang in there! And don't beat yourself about the itch fits! :)

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  3. Oh sweetie! I have been in that horrible low place so many times! Hang in there! I too had a horrible time tearing open my skin - only to have it ooze non-stop. I kept thinking that the lower layers of skin couldn't possibly heal if the body was always trying to repair the top layers! So I went on a mission to stop the scratching with my nails. I first used a plastic comb - much better than my nails, but still tore my already fragile skin in some areas. Now I use a scalp massager - does not relieve the itch as well as the comb, but boy is my skin intact now (however much bruised from the firm and deep pressure!). Here is a link to where I bought it - not expensive at all! It is the size of your palm so it works perfectly -

    http://www.amazon.com/Babyliss-Scalp-Massage-Brush-Color/dp/B003IQ1N4A/ref=sr_1_27?ie=UTF8&qid=1374799812&sr=8-27&keywords=scalp+massager

    Just copy and paste the link into your browser. Hope this helps! Hang in there - this too shall pass!

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  4. Hey Chantel!
    Seeing you in this state reminds me of myself. I am also in my second major flare, which has lasted for close to a month. It is worst than the first flare. I remember having a relatively calm period of 3 months in between the two flares, just like you. When the skin gets bad, it gets real bad. But when you turn a corner, things improve real fast. I believe once we are done with this flare, we may have a longer calm period before the 3rd flare kicks in. Who knows we may be completely healed by the end of the 4th flare. We are progressing and inching ever closer to the holy grail - Post TSW life - a life we all deserve!

    Stay strong and push on!

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  5. Oh Chantal! I know how you are feeling. You are right, there is no choice but to just press on one day at a time and pray for strength. Don't think about the time that has been "wasted" but of all the great things you are going to do when you are healed. You're going to get awesome tattoos and rock a bikini, remember? :) And you are going to have such a wonderful, vibrant life when you pass through all this, because you'll have a deep appreciation for things. We are all stronger than we realize. If TSW can be battled and endured, nothing can stop us. I am almost healed and I know what it is like to battle that despair but eventually come out triumphant on the "other side" - you WILL heal! Hang in there my friend!

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