275 Days Down.

Well, it's been 275 days since I began my withdrawal.  To say it's been rough is an understatement.  Sometime soon I will be making a post describing my withdrawal from beginning to present and possibly post some pictures.  Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures from the first few months, during the worst of it.  I found it too hard to look at myself and move out of my bed, let alone photo document it.

Right now I am going through what I can only assume is the "second big flare."  It started around the end of month eight.   I don't know what to think of it.  It's been over a month and while it hasn't been even NEARLY as terrible as my first prolonged flare from November-January, it has certainly been disheartening.

I am lucky enough to have had a few months break.  The same thing occurred my first time withdrawing.  I had a few months of nearly clear skin.  It was mostly just an itch here and there, a few scabs maybe, and the battle scars of course.   This time around my calm period began mid February and ended around the last week of May.

I knew it was coming to an end, but the reality wasn't easy to face.  It started with a little bit of itch on my cheeks.  I suppose I could sense something brewing deep within my skin.  Slowly it became worse, but I was still able to maintain a social life for most of June.  

However things really got ugly the last week of June and the social life ended.  I've been increasingly exhausted.  I can't sleep during the night AT ALL.  I've consistently gone to sleep past 8 AM for the last week or more.   It's awful.   Then I sleep throughout the whole day.  Waking up every few hours, of course.

My skin is flaky, itchy, and red.  Some days are better than some.  My face, neck, ears, chest, and back of knees have the worst of it.   My scalp is also extremely itchy and flaky.  The worse part of this besides the obvious DISCOMFORT, is how mentally draining this whole process is.  The uncertainty creates a feeling of devastation and panic within my mind.  I feel like I can't move forward with my life.  I have no idea what to expect.  I just graduated college and I need to find a job ASAP.  I have rent and bills to pay, not to mention my grace period for my loans ends in November.  However, at the moment, I don't feel I'm in any condition to start a new job... especially if things get worse!  What is one supposed to do?

There's nothing I can do, I suppose.  At least for now, except rest and let my body heal.  Things will be okay.  I just have to hope and see where these next few weeks take me.

My Yogi tea quote of the night:

"You must know that you can swim through every tide and change of time."

How extremely fitting.